Three years ago on June 28th, I wrote this:
Yesterday I made a bold move, so it would only make sense that today something would fall apart. But I can only laugh because it pushes me to do something I’ve been talking about doing for a year.
How was your day?
Did you make moves?
Did you feel okay about the decisions you made last night?
I had a sense of loss all day and at the end of the day understood why. It will be okay… it always is. But it doesn’t make it hurt less in the moment as you wonder what God is doing.
Taking charge of your life when you are a Christian means letting go. Allowing God to fully infiltrate every area of your life. And when you do, He will.
When you do.
He will.
I am beat and I don’t have much in me but I’ve wanted to ensure I write daily. Today’s news is still … well, I’m still in shock.
All day I’ve had these lines running through my head so I thought I would use tonight’s post to follow them through for a few moments before I retire for the night. Friday I will be more intentional with my writing. Tonight I was thrown off course by life so we will get creative and explore free writing.
I will start with the lines that have been running through my mind and then see where it goes for a few minutes… typos will remain at least for the night… If you like the prompt go ahead and explore it yourself and just link back to it and share your link in the comments.
She was tired of driving in circles. The map seemed to be leading her out of her way instead of to her destination. Why would she take two rights, a left, and …. it just didn’t make sense. She could take a left and head straight and get to the place in much less time. As she drove she looked at the beautiful houses and remembered her old life. A tear down her cheek as looked out along the water and saw the sunset. How she missed watching them from her porch!
As she drove along, she realized that if she had just taken a left and gone straight, she would have only seen strip malls and apartments. She would have missed out on this beauty and the peacefulness of these streets. But the pain of seeing what she once had and knowing she would never have it again hurt.
She wondered where she’d gone wrong in life and why she was in her current situation. She had done the right thing. The ethical thing. But the decision had consequences and instead of her being rewarded for it… well, she was feeling the pain.
She knew it was time to take charge. Time to make some drastic action that included some isolation, stepping away, and being intentional. She would no longer allow a map to dictate her steps, a timeline to tell her where she would be. She was going to do something she would either live to tell about or live to regret, but it was something she needed to do.
It was time to jump without looking. Time to leap off the mountain and pray there was a net waiting at the bottom or that she would grow wings on the way down. Bold moves… that was the time it was.
She shut off the phone, stepped out of the car, and walked to the edge of the ocean. As the waves washed up against her feet, she heard the song “Oceans” playing… “Cliche but oh so right”, she thought to herself. It was time to step out on the waves and trust she would not fall.
As she watched the beautiful sunset, she knew what she had to do and she was ready…no more waiting or talking… it was time to take charge and live the life she’d always wanted. And today was the day she was going to do it.
We’ll see where it goes and what I do with it… tomorrow night I will be watching the CT Suns so I may not jump on but know I am going to be rooting for your changes and this journey we are walking!
Until next time,
~Shell
Before I type tonight’s post, let’s take a worship break and hear Oceans. Once again I am stepping deeper so it’s only appropriate to remind myself of the lyrics that inspired whatever change this was in 2017.
Wow…three years ago! So here I am again, at the foot of the ocean…reflecting on life and going deeper, going to the next depth in my faith, in my life. I don’t remember what happened three years ago at this time, but I know three years ago in two weeks is when I started a journey that would become the story I wrapped around my poetry in my book about letting of the scripts we write for our lives. Since then, what a journey!
When I think about taking charge, I think about co-creating this life with God in a way where I don’t have to wait for the “YES” or “NO” but walk so closely with him that I know which path to take. When you are a child holding hands with your parents or walking closely with them, they don’t have to tell you which way to go because you are with them and go with their direction. It’s not spoken. I am in a place where I’ve regained trust that I’d lost in God because I drew closer and took time to heal and test my faith and his faithfulness. I’ve developed trust as I’ve seen things change in my life since December that were LONG needing to change but seemed to be forgotten by Him. And it all came down to me finally asking not “What am I doing wrong, God?” but “What am I not doing, God?” And once I started walking again side by side, in sync, life has changed for the best and has come far. I’m not where I’d like to be, but I am where I need to be. All this time I thought I needed to look a certain way to be happy or have certain things…but it wasn’t any of that. It had nothing to do with what I looked like externally and everything to do with how I treated others, how I saw colors where others saw black and white, and how I didn’t allow the world to define my boundaries in any other area of my life. Once I realized that, new doors opened up and I became so fully me that I can’t stop smiling!
Through friendship and realizing that loving someone God’s way can feel a lot like falling in love if they are from the opposite sex (hence, why we should be careful in this area, but that is another post) to realizing my value in new way, I came to a place where I could BE. Where I could stop trying to become something and just BE who I am and let her evolve naturally instead of according to a script. For me taking charge of my life looked like taking the opportunity to surrender my dreams and goals and truly sit with God to see what was TRULY my dream versus what was something I wanted so it could impress those who I’d felt left me behind or my 12-year-old self. It meant becoming comfortable in my skin and loving who I am, how I am, where I am, while allowing myself to BE STILL and just abide in His love.
I stand on this shore again able to see how far I’ve come and being content there instead of looking further to how far I still have to go. I am just going to enjoy this moment and all that is within it. It’s summer and every summer is magical for my family because our focus is on one another instead of work and school. I hope the same for all of you and that you get to enjoy this time together by setting up schedules that work to allow for true family time and making memories, even during COVID.
Until next time,
~Shell
Feel like pinning this? Feel free to use this graphic:
Lovely reflection! Let go and let God was drilled into my head thirteen years ago when I needed direction desperately. Today I am happy. Turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks.
Hugs from Olympia!
Hugs back from CT, Bill! The letting go is the tough yet freeing part. I’m learning there is a sign of relief when I give up the pressure to perform and make things perfect! Here’s to growth and living life! I love that you learned a new trick AND are passing on the lesson!!
Wow Shell, I adore your reflections. Was it a surreal feeling to go back and read what you wrote 3 years ago?
I must say, this paragraph really spoke to my heart: “For me taking charge of my life looked like taking the opportunity to surrender my dreams and goals and truly sit with God to see what was TRULY my dream versus what was something I wanted so it could impress those who I’d felt left me behind or my 12-year-old self. It meant becoming comfortable in my skin and loving who I am, how I am, where I am while allowing myself to BE STILL, and just abide in His love.”
WOW, yes, yes, and yes again! So often in life, we choose paths for all the wrong reasons and then wonder why we feel so stinking empty. We can’t flourish where we were never meant to be planted in the first place. Everything about us, from the way we look, to how we think, or our personality traits were all perfectly tailored by a Creator who thought of it all! The call and purpose on our lives perfectly match the unique traits we’ve been given. How amazing is that?!? We aren’t a mistake. What thought and care He put into every little detail of our being.
I’ve shared this inspirational post on all social media. You are a joy and an inspiration. My goodness, how I’m grateful that you are here sharing your powerful story. All my love to you, Shell. You are amazing! ♥
Thank you so much Holly! I enjoy going back to read my old writings because I see how much I’ve grown and where I still have so far to go. I believe it’s important to see both. I love you’re support. I’m honored to receive it and so happy to have met you here!!!