Y’all…I was supposed to be here today with a new Fireside Chat with Angel Vega but our schedules couldn’t align for this week. Instead, tomorrow I will be chatting the owner of a new retreat center so I can share that chat with you next week. I thought of how I could handle not having one today, as I’ve been so behind on blogging since business has been picking up and I was wrapping up work on my book, and well… I got my answer in an email from Amazon!
My book published FOUR DAYS EARLY!!!
This book is a collection of poetry and extended thoughts that I’ve collected over the years and narrowed down to about 30. I share the poetry in the first half of the book and some reflections on them in the second half. All told in a narrative form that share the story of how I stopped scripting tomorrow and building shrines to yesterday. Some poems are dark and share the pain I endured as a teen. Others show the transition as an adult falling in love and learning to let go of the past pain, though it scared me to step into myself. The last reflection shares how I stopped remembering tomorrow and started living in today and truly enjoying life in this moment.
If you know someone who is struggling with faith, life, love, this book would be a great gift for them. I wrote it so the people who are still in the fire can be encouraged and know we are all warriors and can come through thriving.
Thank you all for reading my blog and being here with me through this journey. From here I shall work on my young readers series and another book that I’ve been working on for about 10 years. Between the two, one should be out by Summer! 🙂
Here is a poem from the book. It’s my favorite of all of them to perform and to read.
Standing on My Tippy Toes (2018)
As a child whenever I wanted something just out of reach, I’d stand on my tippy toes.
Arms held high, hands reaching out, letting out that little grunt sound that implied I needed help but didn’t want to ask for it.
I’d try to become taller and taller just to reach what I wanted.
Sometimes a toy that had been put away from me or a snack that someone had pushed too far back.
As I grew older, I stopped the grunting, realizing that if I really wanted something I had to get it on my own.
I’d wiggle and try to find some way to make my arms a bit longer,
as if wiggling would somehow activate Go-Go-Gadget-type springs to extend my reach.
I began to see how I could have the things I wanted if I just reached high enough or made myself tall enough.
Sometimes, I even had to climb on counters and get a little creative with my footing.
But I always got what I wanted.
Then I met you.
Standing on my tippy toes to look into your eyes made me feel smaller as I allowed inside thoughts to cloud my mind.
Putting on heeled boots so I could be closer to your height and be more eye level with you allowed me to see my own deficiencies and areas where I wanted to improve.
These aren’t bad things.
I became who I am today.
I learned that I didn’t need to stand on my tippy toes because all along you were there with a stool.
I learned that I didn’t need to get creative with my footing because you were there to help me reach the things I wanted.
When I was with you the stars were suddenly at my fingertips and the sun was hot against my skin.
The world was a playground of ideas and was without limitation because we could go as far as dreams allowed until it was time to execute.
And you never judged me for trying to take the whole world but instead helped me divide it into conquerable pieces.
Then I fell in love with you.
I’m not sure if it was the excitement of finding someone who matched my zeal or could spend hours talking about the things I was passionate about,
But somewhere in the reaching an arm came around me and picked me up to a place where I lost my footing and fell for you.
Somewhere in the laughter and the looks, my heart left my chest and while I possessed all I’d been reaching for,
I lost control of my fortress.
You’d made your way inside and my heart was allowing you to roam free.
I realized this along the way and froze,
the same way you did.
And then I lost you.
Flight or fight are the two things we choose from and it seems you chose flight.
Even if only for a moment, we both chose to run.
And in that running abandoned what could have been.
So now I sit staring up at the things I placed back on the shelf,
Keeping them just far enough out of reach that I get to stand on my tippy toes and hope you’ll appear again to help me reach what once was in my hands.
If you’d like to read the book, you can order the paperback here:
or the Kindle version here (which will download Friday and thereafter):
(I apologize for the weird extra links – I can’t find them to remove them from my view!)