I know I haven’t been consistent at all…which is terrible since it was a goal this year to be consistent, but I have been consistent in being inconsistent…does that count?
Seriously, I think in boxing myself in to specific topics for the days of the week, I have made myself feel imprisoned as a blogger instead of free within it. When I wrote for my former blog EyesStraight Ahead, I wrote thought-based posts that were inspired by whatever was on my mind at the moment. I didn’t have a specific goal other than helping anyone out there like myself get through life and do so with a sense of their purpose. Here, I wanted to be more topic centered and focus on the ways we can be creative as individuals and excel in those areas. But in boxing myself in, I have truly stomped my creativity online. It’s been great for my journal because there I can explore thoughts and be creative in the moment based upon what’s going on. It’s been terrible for my blogs because I am not maintaining them.
So imagine my excitement and awe today when I heard this spoken word from @_CarleeJanae about coming out of hiding. Take a listen.
Why did this speak to me so deeply? I am someone who loves listening to others’ stories but tells mine infrequently. I have helped others publish their stories, start their business, organize their lives, while I have yet to publish the book that has been done all year, have yet to truly bring my business to where I desire it to be, or get my home organized the way I would like it to be organized! This year, I stepped down of part-time ministry, stopped writing as much publicly, and really took a deep dive into myself to ensure my foundation was strong and that I knew what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. In that process, I have realized a few things and changed my schedule around, which hasn’t given me as much time to sit in front of the computer when not with clients or working on clients’ materials. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing so much as it hasn’t helped me to evolve the way I know I should be.
Last night’s New Amsterdam really spoke to me about how we are all somebody (you can read about that here) and then today I heard this and it touched me to the core. Like truly changed my life kind of poetry and wisdom because it has been what I’ve been hearing in my own time with the Lord: Time to come out of hiding.
As such, on the topic of relationships (see what I did there…ha ha to systems and structures imprisoning me!), I thought about my relationship with myself and how I spend so much time helping others become so fully them in writing their stories and sharing their lessons with the world that I forget to share my own voice and story. Maybe that is why I push back on my writing coach so much when she suggests promoting my own writing and branching out into new areas such as writing articles for global sites and magazines. (YIKES!) As I dove into this thought today and really explored within my mind why I hold myself back so much, I realized that I don’t allow myself to be fully myself because I have always heard things that I allow myself to take in as negative traits:
You talk too much.
You don’t focus enough.
You’re everywhere… it’s like you don’t know how to sit still.
I can’t keep up with you so I don’t try.
I had to really dive into why I allow myself to let what other’s think bother me when I know so fully how much I mean to people… what has happened this summer and taken place this year has truly changed my life in ways that I never would have been able to do if I hadn’t talked to much to the point that people know when I am not doing well by how quiet I become or if I hadn’t been involved in various things that helped me see what I love and what I was doing to please others. By being involved in so many things and keeping myself active, I learned to enjoy the quiet and small moments within life. By stepping away from social media and not allowing myself to photograph my life from July to September, I realized how much I was living in this place of “what I want to be” versus who I really was. And by doing that, I spent all of September backing up and looking at my life and thinking about my identity in new ways. I have gotten back to my foundation, remembered why I am here and who I am here to help, and taken on a cool temporary gig that is helping me to enjoy the slow and old-school life a bit more!
These are the changes I made so I could once again honor myself and my life. As was said so much last night on New Amsterdam, “You can’t take care of others if you aren’t taking care of yourself”. By ensuring I am living fully, I will have new life within me to help my clients and give my best to others. To flow like a fountain instead of pour from myself like a pitcher (thanks to Bethany Perry and Pastor Antonio Vargas for those reminders from May to now).
What changes do you need to make today so you can fully be you and come out of hiding? Make them. You won’t regret it. Let’s make this last quarter of this year and this decade one we will remember as the one that changed our trajectory in great ways!
I’m in the process of writing my memoirs, and it is cathartic and eye-opening. I don’t know if anyone else will find it interesting, but I’ve learned quite a bit about myself…along the lines you are talking about here. May we both find the truth about us!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. My poetry book opened my eyes as I wrote the reflections. I saw myself differently. As a true warrior and someone who won’t be held down. I’m looking forward to reading your memoir!